Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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