she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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