seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
