The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
