Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm passing your future prison.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
