On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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