I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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