That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
