I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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