life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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