please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
