woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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