I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
