Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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