Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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