How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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