Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
