ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
