oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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