if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
