Your dad touched me again.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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