I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
