Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
