just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
