Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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