oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
