We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
