The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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