im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
