I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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