My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
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drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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