it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
