The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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