so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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