peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
