I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This is the high leading the old right now
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
