So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
