I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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