She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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