i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
