OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
