bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
