I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Holy shit dude........stairs
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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