He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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