my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
