I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
