Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.