my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
