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So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
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