bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.