He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on