Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.

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(615): Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness. http://tfl.nu/v4md

Replies (17) Good night (896) Bad night (3211)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.

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(678): I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ. http://tfl.nu/9pde

Replies (58) Good night (8540) Bad night (986)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.

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(864): Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint. http://tfl.nu/at98

Replies (14) Good night (4333) Bad night (868)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

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(336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy

Replies (54) Good night (2769) Bad night (15296)
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(786): View more from Florida

i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.

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(786): i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot. http://tfl.nu/tkrk

Replies (19) Good night (1131) Bad night (4578)
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(515): View more from Iowa

trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.

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(515): trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point. http://tfl.nu/fff7

Replies (19) Good night (2581) Bad night (1158)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.

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(717): He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes. http://tfl.nu/uq08

Replies (12) Good night (1529) Bad night (1167)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots

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(605): When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots http://tfl.nu/ud2p

Replies (7) Good night (1415) Bad night (710)
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(802): View more from Vermont

when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.

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(802): when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table. http://tfl.nu/81fa

Replies (12) Good night (2433) Bad night (1037)
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(410): View more from Maryland

True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs

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(410): True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs http://tfl.nu/odrq

Replies (2) Good night (699) Bad night (1009)
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(802): View more from Vermont

"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..

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(802): "I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked.. http://tfl.nu/jof4

Replies (4) Good night (887) Bad night (492)
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(512): View more from Texas

Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.

(512): View more from Texas

I found Cheetos.

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(512): Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life. (512): I found Cheetos. http://tfl.nu/4vfh

Replies (6) Good night (749) Bad night (406)
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(323): View more from California

Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.

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(323): Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney. http://tfl.nu/bmnx

Replies (3) Good night (1204) Bad night (319)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day

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(860): I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day http://tfl.nu/l0rn

Replies (1) Good night (434) Bad night (196)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.

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(612): but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard. http://tfl.nu/0wpi

Replies (2) Good night (516) Bad night (207)

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