Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?