we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
