I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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