Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
