I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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