my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Drunk is not a location!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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