I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
we're so committed to being not committed
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
