happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
