we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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