so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
