A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
