Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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