btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
