I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
