I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
