What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
