Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
