I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
