he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
