Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
