If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
